I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
