I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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