All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
