So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
