We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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