we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
