I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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