Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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