my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
