just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
