Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
