So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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