If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
