Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
