Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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