Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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