I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
