you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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