Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
