hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
