my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
