I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
