I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
