I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
