Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
