What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
