I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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