First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So many bounce houses so little time
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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