I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
