I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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