Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
