how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
