cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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