And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
