What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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