my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
