Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
