we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
