Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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