Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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