We need to rekindle our bromance
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
