So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
