It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
