walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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