Don't you send me to vm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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