I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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