smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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