it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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