dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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