I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
